Am I a Compulsive Shopper????

I am often asked, "is compulsive shopping a real disorder?" I usually answer with a question, "do you think it is a real problem?" I hate it when my questions are answered with a question, but really, I don't have an answer, exactly. I treat compulsive shopping in my psychotherapy private practice. I help people deal with the underlying hunger associated with over shopping, over eating, under eating, self mutilation, and so on, because, in their lives, doing these behaviors over and over again, although they can be deemed "normal" if done on a regular basis, for them, is destructive and helpful at the same time. How is over shopping helpful? It is helpful because it probably provides some type of containment, or regulation, of emotional states. Emotional regulation is an internal process that "should" occur in each person and develops from birth on ward. A mother teaches emotional regulation through such processes as gazing, cooing, wrapping a blanky around a crying baby, feeding, and holding, for example. These processes are usually done well enough and in some situations, they are not and the baby/child/teen/adult, has to develop other means to emotionally regulate and for many it is through the process of feeding, starving, buying, returning, bingeing, purging, cutting and healing. So, yes, compulsive shopping, is a real, troubling, effective disorder. It works and it doesn't work. Compulsive shopping regulates in the moment and also leads to financial complications, relationship discord and emotional turmoil. Do you think you are a compulsive shopper? I have found the seven criteria to determine if you are from Lee Eisenberg : 

1. You buy things even though you can’t afford them.
2. You believe others would be horrified if they found out about your spending habits.
3. You write checks even though you know there’s not enough in the bank to cover them.
4. If you have any money left at the end of a pay period, you feel compelled to spend it.
5. You make only the minimum payments on your credit-card statements (if you make any at all).
6. You feel anxious or nervous on days you don’t go shopping.
7. You buy things to make yourself feel better.

Oniomania, otherwise known as Compulsive Spending

I thought I would start this blog with reality. Compulsive shopping is a true disorder. The medical term, according to Wikipedia, is Oniomania, the compulsive desire to shop. I italicized desire because desire indicates a feeling not necessarily an action. Feeling and doing are most likely related but not the same thing. So when a person who feels like shopping that doesn't mean, a) that the person will shop or b) that the person has to shop or c)that the person will buy something. It just means the person experiences an overwhelming urge to shop.

I make this distinction because I think in the treatment of compulsive shopping it is imperative to separate feelings from actions. I say this because as I am doing research for this blog I am finding tips on the internet that address compulsive shopping like things to do instead of shop, or things to do to keep yourself from shopping. For instance, go for a walk or take a bath... hmmm, that doesn't sound quite as enticing as say, Marc Jacobs shoes at Nordstrom, or a stroll through Target. My point is two fold. One, the suggestions offer actions to get rid of feelings which is a substitution for the symptom in the first place. And two, the suggestions are intellectual, rather than emotional, and therefore, the suggestions do not work in the long run because emotions typically override intelligence and what one "knows is right". I propose addressing Oniomania from an emotional point of view which would mean attempting to understand the feelings, and eventually tolerate them, rather than get rid of them. And, two, recognizing the resistance to do the right thing. For example, my favorite suggestion to stop compulsive shopping is to develop a budget, which, of course, there would be no compulsive shopping if one was able to follow a budget. From my theoretical perspective, I recommend writing down ten reasons to resist having a budget.

These 10 reasons will offer more insight into why compulsive shopping and not having a budget has a curative, purposeful effect on one's emotional life than any steps taken against the urge and action to compulsively shop. This new understanding can lead to sustained change over time as opposed to a quick fix.