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What's a compulsive shopper to do in times like these? There is so much pressure to buy, save, prepare, shop ahead, relieve stress, it is unrealistic to rely on the outside world for any sense of containment over compulsive spending. Of course, I had already been encouraging you to rely on your inner self but if your inner self is still fragile, receiving e mails targeting your weakest link can be very challenging, to say the least. However, it really is an opportunity to develop a foundation of safety for yourself by resisting certain compulsive and impulsive acts. Even if you have to suffer anxiety and feel the wanting in the meantime, you create a stability that you need in order to continue on a path free of debt and compulsive spending that gives you HOPE! The stability, in case you are wondering, comes from feeling the feelings that surface when you do not allow yourself to shop, spend, and indulge. Feelings are meant to be felt, that's it. There is nothing to "do" in the face of feelings other than to feel them through. I know this may feel like torture for some of you, like a third degree burn victim, your emotional skin is thin. But, in trying to heal your burn, skin needs to grow and your foundation of feeling needs to grow and it grows through experiences.

Am I a Compulsive Shopper????

I am often asked, "is compulsive shopping a real disorder?" I usually answer with a question, "do you think it is a real problem?" I hate it when my questions are answered with a question, but really, I don't have an answer, exactly. I treat compulsive shopping in my psychotherapy private practice. I help people deal with the underlying hunger associated with over shopping, over eating, under eating, self mutilation, and so on, because, in their lives, doing these behaviors over and over again, although they can be deemed "normal" if done on a regular basis, for them, is destructive and helpful at the same time. How is over shopping helpful? It is helpful because it probably provides some type of containment, or regulation, of emotional states. Emotional regulation is an internal process that "should" occur in each person and develops from birth on ward. A mother teaches emotional regulation through such processes as gazing, cooing, wrapping a blanky around a crying baby, feeding, and holding, for example. These processes are usually done well enough and in some situations, they are not and the baby/child/teen/adult, has to develop other means to emotionally regulate and for many it is through the process of feeding, starving, buying, returning, bingeing, purging, cutting and healing. So, yes, compulsive shopping, is a real, troubling, effective disorder. It works and it doesn't work. Compulsive shopping regulates in the moment and also leads to financial complications, relationship discord and emotional turmoil. Do you think you are a compulsive shopper? I have found the seven criteria to determine if you are from Lee Eisenberg : 

1. You buy things even though you can’t afford them.
2. You believe others would be horrified if they found out about your spending habits.
3. You write checks even though you know there’s not enough in the bank to cover them.
4. If you have any money left at the end of a pay period, you feel compelled to spend it.
5. You make only the minimum payments on your credit-card statements (if you make any at all).
6. You feel anxious or nervous on days you don’t go shopping.
7. You buy things to make yourself feel better.

Packing Tips: How to manage packing anxiety

Recently, the process of  "packing" has been a topic of discussion. The process of packing brings up issues for people who struggle with image and compulsive spending is directly related to image. Not that many people would readily admit that "packing" for a trip or a getaway is troubling, but for many, it seems to be. I thought this was interesting and considered as I am about to pack myself, what do I wear? what is the weather going to be like? do I have the right outfits? and, will what I bring fit?

These questions, like several thoughts we have, go unnoticed, unacknowledged and incorporated into behavior, sometimes maladaptive behavior. For instance, my friend has just enough money to take her trip and that is it, but as she considers her "packing" list, she finds herself wondering into Nordstrom to buy new jeans and the drugstore for a few travel size amenities. This is where her image issues affect her wanting and driving her to overspend with justification. Feeling the anxiety of not having the right jeans for her road trip, or having to live without her favorite hair product, is just too overwhelming to feel and relieving the anxiety requires buying something to solve the conflict which truly only exists in the mind of my friend.

Resolving conflicts on this level is very tricky because, for example, my friend, let's call her Tara, would have to realize that there is a conflict at all. Tara most likely realizes that she feels unprepared and troubled by her packing process and that she needs to rectify the situation. She does not sense there is a conflict between her anxiety around her image and her not having enough money to buy something to relieve the anxiety around her image. Tara would best suffice, financially and psychologically, if she just feels the feelings of anxiety around her packing issues and restrains from taking any action, such as buying new jeans, to get rid of the feelings. Most likely, Tara will realize that she can handle her anxiety, that she will survive it and test out new coping skills, which in this case is feeling her feelings, and develop the start of a foundation of security in her self.

Regarding her image, Tara's deeper issue is more related to her sense of self and how she perceives her self. A lot of what she may be projecting onto her packing list and feeling in the process will be more understood if she does not act out and buy new things to resolve her conflict. By buying new things in these kinds of instances, Tara thinks this is the solution where in fact, it is not, it is only a short term remedy.